february blues

My history has always been to write my thoughts down when feeling a bit confused or down. I guess that's the reason why this thing has been picked up today. That's even how this started in the first place. When I started my first blogg it was because I was in a lot of uncertainty before eventually having my second back surgery back in the days of 2006.

I'm not clear of what's going on now. I've been a bit sick in January so it was a rather quiet month. On top of that I think I have low iron levels as I've been quite tired lately. Not much energy and sleepy at nights. On top of that I've started to miss the fika culture of Sweden, as the culture here is always going to the pub. You can't even find the cozy café's here and I haven't been feeling like drinking alcohol lately. And that's obviously a big part of the social culture here. Hence I've been keeping more to myself lately.

Don't know if it's just the January blues that has continued into a February blues on top of everything else that has been going on. The sickiness. The eventual low iron. The realizations I've reached about my job. The non-alcohol policy. The crappy, rainy, gray weather of London.

A general lack of energy. I guess it doesn't help that my reaction to these kind of situations is to lock myself in, watching movies, keeping to myself (although enjoying it a bit as well) and just shutting everything and everyone else out. Waiting for it to pass and eventually crawling out of my hiding place and heading into the world again.

taking it's toll

Hasn't been much activity here. I guess blogging takes its toll on you after some years. And apparently moving to London takes a toll on it as well. You would think the opposite, that you got plenty of new things to write about. Which is definitely true. However in my case I think it got an overload of new things so I didn't have the time or energy to write about it.

It's sad though. The first year in London has been eventful, it would have been fun to have a track record of it here. But no regrets. The first year in London has been amazing and I'll still remember it. Many ups and downs, mostly ups though. And luckily I'm still not bored of it, which bodes well since my plan is not to move away after six months/one year like I have the last ten years.

"If you get tired of London you get tired of life" is what they say. With my habit of moving around so much I hope London can keep me busy and occupied for a couple of years at least.

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But it will still happen. Guarantee. #sweden #switzerland #icehockey #worldcup #americans #usa #z

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No filter. Just beautiful. #hastings #z

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Sweet potato. Butternut squash. And a piece of great Finnish crisp bread. If I only was hungry too. #z

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A wall in Plovdiv, Bulgaria. #fb #z

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I miss the Swedish blueberries. I don't even get a blue tongue. #z

firsts

Lot of firsts today. First barbecue of the season in London. With good food, beer, new friends, sunshine, and 20 degrees.

But then, on the way home, the first penalty fine. I didn't realize I was in zone three which my card doesn't apply to. If I would have touched in with my card anyway it would have taken the cash instead.

Shit, shit, shit.
Forty pounds poorer.

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Corner of London. Neil's Yard. #fb #z

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Instead of taking a photo off the rainbow I should have taken a photo off all the people taking a photo off the rainbow to post on facebook #fb #z

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london street art

work update from work

Have been a bit more busy now at work the last two weeks. A few things that I need to have done before leaving for holidays, also since I'm back at work first on 7th of January and won't have time then.

The whole work thing I still haven't gotten over but it has moved in the right direction at least. I had the meeting with my manager. And found out that his boss had told him that he doesn't know what I can do so wants my manager to look externally as well. Which is just f**ked up. I don't even have a relationship with my manager's boss since I don't work directly with him, so how can he know what I can do? I know my manager have received some heat due to certain things, so does my the boss don't trust my manager's opinions regarding me?

We had a meeting and I told him everything I think have been crap and handled really bad. My trust and loyalty to this company have definitely suffered a heavy blow. And HR at this company is totally crap which I found out the bad way and has only been confirmed by all the others I've talked to at the company.

Well, going forward me and my manager have agreed on some objectives that I can be judged on in mid February. Still a very short time, since it basically only gives be about two months if you start counting from today. I mean, those objectives should have been set day one, which I also asked for but never happened.

So that's the crappy situation. I'm moved past it, although of course it is still there in the back of the mind. I mean, how can you disregard things like this? But the only thing I can do is to go forward and make the best of it. And then in mid February I can think about it again if it is a company I really want to stay with.

But now, it's the last day of work and then I'm off on vacation and will not think about work for one minute!

where's the loyalty towards me?

Honestly, my loyalty against the company is decreasing a bit every day at the moment. Not sure if they even realize it.

I sent an email to my manager today explaining parts of it. Have a meeting tomorrow with him, so we'll see if he's able to restore some of it.

Almost two weeks have passed now since they advertised "my" permanent position and I have received basically no information. That's just really bad. Where's the loyalty towards me?

Lets see what comes out of the meeting tomorrow.

happy first advent

For the first time in many years I actually feel the Christmas spirit ahead of Christmas Eve.

I've usually never really felt any Christmas spirit when I lived somewhere else than where I grew up.

So it has kind of taken me by surprise this year. This morning I lit up the first candle in my newly acquired Advent candlestick. Had some breakfast with 'rågrut' and Swedish cheese. After that some mulled wine, ginger snaps, and a saffron bun.

Can it get more Swedish?

crowded

It's always exhausting to venture out on Oxford Street. So many people. One wonders if there is ever a time when a store on Oxford Street is not crowded.

At least all the Christmas lights make it better.

new favorite store

I guess you can guess what kind of store I went to today. Sure, if you're Swedish it gives you an edge. As all the products are things you can find in a normal grocery store in Sweden.

This is all from the store Totally Swedish in London, luckily not far away from where I live at all, I think it took me about 15 min to get there. Very convenient indeed.

You know how it is. You start missing everything so much more when you don't have easy access to it. I do miss my 'filmjölk' in the mornings with the cereal. And the 'knäckebröd' with some butter and cheese. And for first advent on Sunday I've got two lovely saffron buns that I can eat with my 'glögg'.

How Swedish am I. I almost feel more Swedish now than I do at home in Sweden. Of course it becomes more evident when you move abroad.

how i missed you

There are no words to described how much you have been missed.

And I've only been in London two months... Not sure if that bodes well.

yes!

You remember this?

Well today I got redemption! Because this morning I became the happy owner of two tickets to Robbie Williams on the 29th of June in Wembley Stadium in London. I could not be more excited!

Last time (that time we don't talk about) I signed up for the pre-sale which also means I will in the future also be contacted for any pre-sales. Luckily. Because otherwise I might actually have missed that he would do another tour next year. Luckily I saw the email a few days ago and hanged on the door at 9am to buy a ticket. Wiser from the previous time and no mistakes where made.

Awooohoooo! I will finnaly get a chance to see Robbie live.
Now I just need to find out who wants to go with me. (And willing to pay for the other ticket...)

sick in so many ways

The last two days have not been too good. I woke up on Wednesday feeling quite well expect from the fact that it's starting to get cold and hence cold in my room. I so wanted to just stay under the covers in the warmth. I also had a slight feeling on something in my throat. I chose to disregard it and continued on with my day after I finally managed to venture out of bed.

In spite of my disregard that tiny something in my throat extended into my head and made my brains stop working. Everything became a bit fuzzy and when the clock hit two I left the building.

That tiny something in the throat is usually not wrong. I also stayed home from work today. Lying in bed the whole day. Also because of the fact that the heating in our house is turned off during the day so it's freezing. Which kind of sucks. But I haven't really checked it out if you can do something about it either. So I just stayed in bed hitting a Friends marathon. Again. It would be impossible for me to guess how many times I've watched Friends by now, but surely I must have passed thirty by now.

I even know the bloopers by heart. So much so that when I see a regular episode I think about the outtakes connected to that scene. Hi, my name is Carin and I'm a Friends addict.

some tribal manicure

I enjoy doing some freehand nail art once in while, even though I wish I did it more often. This time it ended up with a tribal or aztec or what to call it, manicure. Love those patterns. The left hand more than the right, the left hand still needs some practice.