Monday, March 22, 2010

anxiety and uncertainty

Four job applications have I managed to send out today. It is the result of large amount of anxiety yesterday or perhaps the last couple of weeks. Since I have been studying I have not done much on the job searching front, and that has hence given me a bad conscience. And when I get a bad conscience I just want to disregard it all and it gives a really bad downward sloping spiral.

What further enhances the anxiety is when I realize that I have not been working since June 30th last year. That is many, many months. The time has passed so quickly even though I have been living at home and here it is not much that makes the time go by. Although I am saying that I have been unemployed since September 30th since that is when my employment officially was over. Even though it makes it a bit better I still know that it is June 30th that is the date.

Spring is almost here and that means summer is 'around the corner' (to be optimistic), which means vacation plans, travels, weekend trips. Okay, I do not have a job but I am still one of those who wants to make trips and take vacation somewhere. For once I want to make plans, but how can you make plans when you do not know your future? Is it one thing I do not like it is uncertainty. I can live with it, but it is there somewhere nagging all the time, causing anxiety and other feelings.

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