bittersweet

On Saturday it was time to return to the past. I arrived to my hometown for the last four years. Same old, same old but it was nice to come back for a few days. For me the weekend was surrounded by this weird feeling deep down that I suppressed as much as I could since I just wanted to enjoy my weekend.

It was great to see the girls again, even though many of the gang could not be there. It was like the good old times and we were back like no time had passed since we last met. It was a really nice weekend with the ball and the graduation ceremony. A nice ending to four wonderful years of my life. But that is just it, that was the feeling that had been hiding in my gut. That it was an ending. An ending to four wonderful years of my life.

I remember when I was young and we had relatives over and I always had one of my cousins sleeping in my room. It was so nice to have her there and talk with her when going to sleep. I loved having many people in the house and we always had such a good time. When they all left, the house was so empty and quiet and I always felt so sad. I saw that empty mattress in my room and I knew there was something missing. Now and then that exact feeling comes back and I know exactly what it is.

That was the feeling I had deep down during this weekend. It got all so very clear in the end when saying goodbye to everybody. And me ending up alone in my hotel room after friends and family had left just waiting for my train.

We all have to go back to our new lives. Our new lives, that does not include seeing each other every other day. Our new lives, all in different cities. Our new lives, in which we do not play as big roles in each others life as we did before. But I hope that we all give it a really good effort to still play a big role in each others life.

I miss you.